it’s monday once again. honey is back at work and all of my excuses to ignore my “chores” are gone with the weekend. the boys are quickly bored because i can’t entertain them on monday’s due to my catching up on things. the boredom of course, always leads to bickering. and while i typically try to limit video game playing, monday is kind of a free for all. go do what you want for as long as you want as long as you aren’t fighting. i just don’t have time to referee!
i am actually happy that monday is here. the weekend was slightly hectic.
friday night we spent some time at Home Depot looking at hardwood flooring, new shutters, a kitchen sink, a new kick plate and door knocker and a few other small things. it’s home improvement time around here. that was a blast, but we came home to a street full of police cars. oh joy! the house three doors down from us was broken in to. due to my “mild” panic disorder i stayed wide awake on the couch watching movies and pausing the tv every six minutes or so when i was startled by a sound. at 5 a.m., when the sun finally made it’s appearance, i dragged my sorry butt to bed. i was supposed to get up at 5:45 to run with my trainer but i slept instead. i spent saturday being less anxious. it turns out they new who broke in and it was just a couple of kids that the owners children new. so, like i said, less anxious. so saturday night i decided to take a stab at my six miles i had missed in the morning. around mile two i noticed a black car creeping past me and then making (what seemed to me as) an intentional turn to creep back up behind me. so once again my anxiety kicked in. my heart was pounding and i felt like i was in a movie. i have never run so fast. my left leg is still aching. i took a cut through a neighbor’s backyard and ran straight home locking the door behind me.
i hate when things like that happen so close to home. i go through every day feeling safe behind my four walls but break ins and what not make me realize that i’m hiding behind a piece of glass. you can lock your steel reinforced door but it’s only held closed by a wooden two by four. i don’t want to feel like my home is not a safe place.
people say that i should just trust God. okay, well, God lets bad things happen. he doesn’t just protect everybody and never let anything bad go down. i can’t just expect that because i believe in Him that i am forever protected by Him. if you do then you should prepare for disappointment.
enough about my anxiety disorder.
also on saturday, i had to take nate in to the dr because the had an infected bug bite on his thigh. he had been attacked by chiggers at my sister-in-laws a week ago while riding their zip-line. the dr. said it needed to be cultured to make sure that it wasn’t mrsa and that a regular anti-biotic could get rid of it. what she meant by culture was four adults will hold him down to the table and i will use a scalpel to cut a layer of his leg off. she didn’t mention that i might black out.
i should have known i would get sick. that’s what happens every time. jonah’s first blood draw. jonah’s and nathan’s first ivs. one of the flu tests and one of the flu shots. holding them down completely sucks the life out of me. it is emotionally and physically draining. and when it’s over i have to sit with my head between my legs while i drip of sweat.
so, like i said, the weekend was hectic.
fortunately my emotions are back in order and i can go back to a normal fear free life.
so here’s to monday. thank you for coming. i will try to be more thankful for you from now on.
